I love being a momma to my two children. They inspire me to be a better person and raising them has made me totally depend on Jesus daily. I’m not perfect, but I like feeling like I have myself together, daily. Lately I haven’t felt that way. After having my son I know for a fact that I suffered from postpartum depression, but this isn’t what this is this time around. Five months ago I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy little girl. I love her and I’m fortunate to be her mom. Some people will probably say that what I’m experiencing is once again all the signs of postpartum depression. I disagree. What’s going on with me now is isolation, loneliness, and sadness. I’ve lost ME. It wasn’t my career or my children that fulfilled me. The things that ultimately made me truly happy and feel satisfied in my life have been placed on a back burner for a long time and somehow I have to get them back. What are those things? For me it’s simple. Manicures and pedicures, sleeping for at least 4 hours uninterrupted, exercising consistently, getting a wax, having my love language shown to me and liking who I see in the mirror. However, because I serve such an amazing God and he knows me, he beckoned for me to bring all of those needs to him. Yes they may seem small and insignificant to most, but EVERYTHING that’s important to me is always important to my God because he loves me and created me. God knows that in order for me to be everything to those that need me most, I must have peace and be whole myself.
During my downward spiral God would allow my mom to feel my need for encouragement and the holy spirit would prompt her to offer encouraging words and solutions for me on days that I really needed encouragement. Most days I would have never even spoken to her
The holy spirit convicted me to spend more time in the word of God for the answers that I needed to become ME again. God spoke to me and assured me that all of those things that I listed above were not necessary, but because they are important to me that he would provide them. What? Yes, and although he doesn’t need me to do ANYTHING in this world, he required me to do one thing before he would move on my behalf. He required me to encourage MYSELF in him. When I heard this prompting from the holy spirit I was in an absolutely broken and sad place. The holy spirit took my memory to a song called “Encourage Yourself” performed by Donald Lawrence and The Tri City Singers. As I listened to the song I began to cry and worship because it was confirmation of what God needed me to do for myself. In my devotional time God revealed to me a case where David was broken and sad. He too had to encourage himself before God could move on his behalf. In 1 Samuel 30 it is revealed that the Amalekites have raided the Negev and not only burned down everything ,they have also kidnapped the women and children that the men have left behind. David and his men discover this travesty and are left devastated. They all began to weep and David being the leader is ultimately blamed. David’s men now begin to make plans to stone him, which leaves David having to make one of two choices. He has to choose to be defeated and be stoned by his men or do something about what appeared to be an obvious defeat.
1 Samuel 30:6 reveals that David decided to find strength in the Lord. In gaining his strength he sought help from God. In verse 8 he asks God if he should invade the Amalekites and if he would win. God assured David that indeed he and his men would win the battle and gain back their families and possessions. What a wonderful victory, but what if David would have given up? What if David wouldn’t have sat alone before God and built himself up in the word of God? What if he hadn’t encouraged himself in the Lord? I would easily assume that he would have been defeated in his mind and spirit and physically stoned by his own men. So with the same might and encouragement that David used to continue on his journey, I take great pleasure in doing the same. I realize the importance in encouraging myself. When the people who are the closest to you don’t see your pain and need for encouragement, don’t give in and be defeated. Choose to be joy, choose to encourage yourself, choose to build yourself up in the word of God and God will move on your behalf. It doesn’t matter if it’s on your job, in your relationship, with your health, or in your role as a mother and wife. God will give you the peace, revitalization, and hope that you require to continue on your journey. Be blessed!